My bony naked knees banged and rattled
My body trembled
But no one saw nor heard
Nor smelled my fear
Though they stood
All five of them
Around me
In merry chattering
While she knocked the back of my head
Hard
With her knuckles
Urging…
Nay threatening..
For her banging got harder
The more I delayed.
And none of them
Strange…..
None of them saw
My trembling body and knocking knees
And her knuckles knocking me on my head
Urging me to go
To the neighbors
To see
If her visiting neighbor friends baby
Was well and asleep
And then to come back and report
So they may grab
A few more moments of merriment
And laughter
The five of them
Who stood around me.
But my legs
refused to obey me through my humiliation.
I stood
Rooted
Legs trembling
Knees rattling
As memory of yesterday returned
Same time
Same situation
The summer afternoon occasion of neighborhood bonhomie’s
When I had meekly obeyed
Her admonishments
And swiftly taken off on my lithe 11 year old bare legs
To carry out her command
To look up the infant if she was asleep
And as I bent over the crib
For a close look at the sleeping baby
Huge hands grasped me from behind
Startled I looked up
At the towering figure
With massive dark mustache
Quivering with excitement
Red veins criss-crossed the whites of his eyes
He pushed me on the bed
And his hands roamed
Over my trembling
Stiffened body
And then his little daughter came in -
And said ‘oh – he does this to me too’
In that moment of distraction
I fled
Like only a hare would from hunting dogs.
That was yesterday.
Today
My legs refused to obey me
Through my public humiliation
As my sisters knuckles hit my head
Harder and harder.
And my mother
Glared at me
With disdain.
They were talking in praise of him
calling him with qualities of
'Ram' - the sacred persona whose idol stood in the puja room.
